Got up at 6:30am! Still had some packing to do as forward planning is for losers. All was going well until my mum spotted my cool Bomberman skoolbag and told me that I would not be allowed on a plane with a bag that had a huge logo of a wee guy chucking a bomb! I told her she was an idiot but that didn't seem to help. Thankfully I had ordered a cool Irn Bru sticker off eBay and it fitted perfectly over the offending bomb! It actually looks even cooler than before. Yas!
When I was at the airport I found a wallet sitting at one of the sinks in the restroom (that's what we call toilets here in New York!) I opened it to see if there was a name on a card or something and there was, Craig Johnstone. I used to go to school with a guy called Craig Johnstone! He was also known as Scoogie and was brilliant. I also noticed there was no cash in the wallet! This made handing it in to secuirity a bit dodgy in case they thought I had pocketed it! I handed it in and the guy put out an urgent message to Scoogie or some other Craig Johnstone. Maybe I would be rewarded for this good deed.
I was one of the first on the plane. Seat 27 F. A window seat! Yas! Leg room was a bit touch and go but as long as I didn't have to sit next to a fatty or an idiot I would be happy. The plane filled up but nobody had the seats next to me! I put my feet up and built a nest out of pillows and blankets and prepared for my first powernap of my adventure.
7 hours later I am in New York. Well, Newark Airport just outside New York. Got a bus and enjoyed the view. The bus takes the same route that Tony Soprano takes at the start of the Sopranos. The only difference is that Tony doesn't get stuck in a tunnel for over an hour because of an accident! The heat was unbearable and I was close to a whitey when we finally got moving again. I got of the bus just off Time Square.
Found my way to the station and asked some people how to get to my hotel in Chelsea. I had to get a couple of trains but it wasn't too bad. My heart sank when I saw my hotel though. It was having some renovations according to the sign on the door. This means the reception had no floor and was covered in plastic sheeting with planks of wood to walk on. The guy on reception told me that he was covering for his friend who had been taken to hospital with an eye injury and I would need to come back in an hour. I asked him to check my booking and thankfully they had only received payment for one night so I could find somewhere a bit less shit for the rest of my stay!
Went back in an hour and checked in. My room was about the size of a double bed and hotter than the sun! I dumped my bags and bolted! Jumped on a train and headed uptown. I have seen lots of New York on tv and movies before but in real life it is too big. My neck was starting to ache just from looking up! Found myself on Broadway and was hypnotised by all the big screens. A guy handed me a flier for a comedy club. Well, how could I resist! I have spent the last 100 Saturday nights in a comedy club why make it 101. It was about the same size as The Stand but somebody would direct you to a seat then take your order. Turns out there is a 2 drink minimum that means you have to pay $20 on top of the $15 to get in. The show started and I hated it. The waiters kept taking orders and bringing orders to customers/ idiots and the compere was unfunny. The first act was a girl with a guitar. Laugh, I nearly did. The second act was Marina Franklin! She is a funny comedian who played at The Stand last year. After her set I spotted her at the bar and went up to say hello. She said she remembered me and then introduced me to the manager. I don't know if it was crossed wires or the guy thought I looked funny but he offered me a 5 minute slot?!?! I politely declined and he gave me his business card. He showed me a hall of fame gallery of all the acts who have performed there. It is apparently the oldest comedy club in New York and it is where Seinfield filmed some of his shows. I told him I didn't really know Seinfield but I was a big Larry David fan and he said that he visited quite a lot as he stays across the street! Pretty good! I said goodbye and headed back to my stinkbomb of a hotel.
No decent photos as my super camera needs charged up.
What's on my iPod : "Hard Times in New York" - Bob Dylan
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